Virgins get last laugh

Completely shut out from the Oscars, The 40-year-old Virgin and Wedding Crashers lead the MTV movie awards with 5 nominations each. I haven't seen either of them, so I'm forced to have no opinion. And even worse, I don't have a clue who's going to win! Here are the Best Picture nominees:

Batman Begins
The 40-year-old Virgin
Sin City
The Wedding Crashers
King Kong

Since the general public gets to vote, I would assume the movie that did best at the box office would win. Star Wars Episode III made the most in 2005, and King Kong, followed by Wedding Crashers made the most of the nominees.

For the first time, the acting nominees aren't separated by gender.

Best Performance:

Steve Carrel The 40-year-old Virgin
Jake Gyllenhaal Brokeback Mountain
Terrance Howard Hustle and Flow
Rachel McAdams Red Eye
Joaquin Phoenix Walk The Line
Reese Witherspoon Walk The Line

Best Comic Performance

Steve Carrel The 40-year-old-Virgin
Adam Sandler The Longest Yard
Owen Wilson Wedding Crashers
Vince Vaughn Wedding Crashers
Tyler Perry Maudea's Family Reunion

Oh, that REALLY breaks the gender barrier. Why, a whooping 20% of the nominees were women! (And Steve Carrel got in twice!)

*Perks head, sniffs wind* What's that? Do I smell Oscar nominees!?! Four! Count 'em, FOUR! Yes! Something I have SEEN!
*Clears throat* Well, in my opinion, I think...I think.......
I already went through this before! Alright, Reese Witherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix already have Golden Globes (and one Oscar).....sooooo.....
I guess the question is, out of Jake Gyllenhaal and Terrance Howard, who would be less humiliated to get the MTV Movie Award?

As you might guess I don't put much stock in this. Which is silly really, because actual people get to vote, instead of snooty Academy members. Still I can't appreciate an audience that opens The Benchwarmers at no. 2 at the box office.

Alright, enough incoherent blabbering and bad sentences, on with the nominees!
The Best thing about the MTV awards is the creative categories.

Best Villain

Cillian Murphy Batman Begins
Tilda Swinton Chronicles of Narnia
Tobin Bell Saw II
Ralph Fiennes Harry Potter
Hayden Christensen Star Wars III

Best Kiss

Taraji P. Henson and Terrance Howard Hustle and Flow
Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger Brokeback Mountain
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Rosario Dawson and Clive Owen Sin City
Anna Faris and Chris Marquette Just Friends

Yay! I have seen all the villains except Tobin Bell!
And, *fond sigh* more Oscar nominees! Don't worry guys, being nominated for a Best Kiss MTV award is just as prestigious as winning an Academy Award.
Alright, alright, enough making fun of something I don't understand. I suppose somebody has to recognize Dukes Of Hazzard other then the Razzies.

Get the rest of the nominations here

Coffee would help me think

It's a CHARLIE KAUFMAN MARATHON!!! If you're tired of same-old same-old comedy, try one of these.

ADAPTATION
Charlie Kaufman has a book with no plot he needs to adapt, a suddenly successful twin brother living with him, and a receding hairline. Susan Orlean wants to feel passionately about something, writes about flowers, and finds herself in a crocodile infested swamp. Throw in an eccentric orchid dealer, a screenwriting seminar, and a whole lot of voice-over, and you've got a fast-paced ride from start to finish. How Kaufman didn't get an Oscar for this is beyond me.

BEING JOHN MALKOVICH
Craig Schwartz finds a tunnel in his office that puts you inside John Malkovich's head for 15 minutes before dropping you beside the highway outside of town. He starts charging people 200 dollars a ride, and attracts quite a crowd. But what does Mr. Malkovich have to say about all this?

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND
What if you could erase the memory of your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend? What if they erased you first? What if you decided to erase them, but change your mind after it's too late and try to hid them in your childhood memories? That's what happens to Joel Barish, and yes, he thinks it's complicated too.

"I don't want you passing out or going to the dark side. No going to the dark side!"

After much rearranging and pulling out of hair, I finally assembled my 2004 Top Ten List.

1. Sideways
2. Danny Deckchair
3. Supersize Me
4. Garden State
5. Secret Window
6. Finding Neverland
7. The Incredibles
8. The Terminal
9. Phantom of the Opera
10. In Good Company

No, I didn't see Million Dollar Baby, and frankly I don't see how it could be better then Sideways or Finding Neverland, but I guess I could give it the benefit of doubt.
At least Sideways won Best Adapted Screenplay, which is JUST- if not more, prestigious as Best Picture. (Yes, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.)

First 2006 movie I've seen......and it's only April!!

Last night I saw a sneak peek of Akeelah and the Bee. It was really, really, good. *Flexes critical muscles*
I highly recommend it when it comes out next week.
Here's something interesting, Starbucks and Lionsgate teamed up to distribute it. Since when does Starbucks have anything to do with movies? And for that matter, why the little spelling bee indie? Now, I don't go to Starbucks (support your local Mom and Pop coffee shops!), but I heard they are really pushing the film, and are on the whole We-Like-Mom-And-Pop-Family-Movies kick.
For all the Starbucks Gossip click here

As for awards buzz, Ebert and Roeper think that Keke Palmer (Akeelah) should get some nominations. (Deserves to, not necessarily will.)
Their review

What I think about in my spare time

Finally! My search is over!
As you might recall, around Valentines Day there were a lot of lists flying around the internet of the Best Movie Kisses. Spider-man/Mary Jane and Jack/Ennis were fairly consistent, but other then that there wasn't much overlapping. The writers all said, that when they asked people what their favorite movie kisses were, they would go: "Um, er....I'm thinking...well there was, no....uh, let me get back to you...."
I thought about it and I realized I don't have a favorite movie kiss! This is impossible! I have a favorite for everything! Thus began my long harrowing research. Garden State? Hustle and Flow? Lady and the Tramp?! Then, finally my search ended last night after watching Moonstruck. It's perfect! I usually look down my nose at people cheating, but this was love, and anyway, that screwy moon made everyone goofy.
My world makes sense again.

And we only have to wait till the end of December!

Hmmmm...... It seems my old friend Renee Zellweger is getting some oscar buzz for her upcoming role Beatrix Potter. At least that's what Tom O'Neil from his awards blog Gold Derby is saying.
I'll be honest, I don't really like Renee Zellweger that much. I don't know why, maybe I'm still mad that Chicago won over The Two Towers, or maybe it's simply because I don't like any of her movies. (With the possible exception of Bridget Jones Diary. Yeah, yeah, I liked it. Sue me.)

Tom O'Neil also points out Entertainment Weekly's article about Dreamgirls having high Oscar hopes.

#%&@ reviewers block!!!

Here's my Ten Things I Hate About You review. I'm not completely satisfied, but I can't think of anything to add/take away. Does Ebert have these kind of problems?


With She's The Man in theaters, here's a review for Ten Things I Hate About You. Both movies were written by Karen McKullah Lutz, and Kirsten Smith. (They also wrote Ella Enchanted, and Legally Blond.)

Did you know Ten Things I Hate About You was based on Shakespeare? The writers hardly let you forget it, going out of their way to make references. Ten Things I Hate About You is indeed based on The Taming of The Shrew, and the parallels just barely out weight the differences. Despite the plot holes and some cringe worthy dialogue, it's a cute movie, sometimes hitting chuckles that would make the Clueless writers proud.

Our story begins with Cameron, the new kid at school, who upon seeing the pretty and popular Bianca Stratford, is instantly infatuated with her. He even pauses his regular high-school slang to say (straight out of The Taming of the Shrew) "I burn, I pine, I perish". Unfortunately for him, Bianca is not allowed to date until her older sister, Kat does. (Kat of course would rather eat a bucket of live eels.)

Cameron, with the help of his friend Michael starts looking for possible beaus. Sadly, they all either laugh , or cry in terror at the thought of dating Kat the Shrew. So, they hatch a rather risky plan: Tell Joey, the rich jock, who has also been eyeing Bianca, that he could pay Patrick Verona, the mysterious bad boy, to take Kat on a date. (They would pay Pat, but they don't have the money.) Then, Bianca being free to date, could go out with Joey. I guess Cameron was thinking that he would ask Bianca out first, but still, then Joey would be mad, and the money would run out. Hence, plot hole number one.

Meanwhile, Cameron and his friend Michael try to help Pat win over Kat. "[She] likes Thai food, feminist pros, and angry girl rock music of the indie persuasion". Despite tip offs, Pat has trouble getting the first date. After many one-liners, revealed secrets, splattered paint balls, and Can't Take My Eyes Off You serenaded to the girls soccer team, Pat and Kat end up, in true Shakespearian fashion, making out in her car. The romance is just killing me.

Just who do I think I'm kidding?

I was just reading my list of movies I thought should have won Best Picture. They're all really good movies, with one glaring exception. Where is The Lord Of The Rings? Did I really say American Splendor was better then The Return Of The King? I did, and I still sort of do. I'm not really in love with any of the 2003 movies. The Return Of The King felt really rushed, and I'm not too keen on all the battle scenes. The Two Towers was really good, but I also really liked Adaptation. Fortunately I thought of a solution that should keep everybody happy. I'm starting a list of Top Movies Of The Decade. Impressive, no?
So far it's:

1. The Lord Of The Rings
2. Napoleon Dymanite
3. Pirates Of The Caribbean
4. Harry Potter
5. Star Wars

Let's not kid ourselves. What will you think of when you think of this decade? It's not going to be Seabiscuit, it'll be Fahrenheit 9/11, or if you're of my generation, Napoleon Dynamite. (Or you could think of the sheer awfulness of The Master Of Disguise.) If you want to talk about memorability, look at the MTV movie awards.

So, with that said, I give you my 2002 Top Ten List

1. Adaptation
2. The Two Towers
3. Spirited Away
4. Bowling for Columbine
5. About a Boy
6. Far From Heaven
7. Catch Me If You Can
8. Spiderman
9. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
10. Ice Age

Might as well get the ball rolling... 06 Oscar Predictions!!

T-minus 11 months till the Oscars.
This is the best part! Random bandying-of-names of movies you haven't even seen yet and won't be out for months! (Bad sentence, I know.)
Here are the movies that smell of Oscar:

Flags of Our Fathers. Produced by Steven Spielberg, directed by Clint Eastwood, and written by Paul Haggis. There's a winning combo if I ever heard it!

The Departed. Directed by Martin Scorsese (maybe it's finally his year!) and staring Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, and Jack Nicholson. Hey, it could happen!

The Good German
Directed by Steven Soderbergh and starring Cate Blanchett and George Clooney. Written by Paul Attanasio, who is also writting...

East Of Eden
Directed by Ron Howard. This is just wishful thinking. They haven't even announced casting yet, (which means I will get to dream up people for them!) and I don't know much about it. I just started reading East of Eden, that's why I'm interested.

There you have it, folks! I'm mostly going by names here, and we could have another year of newbies. (But I'm thinking they'll go with big-budget-big-star types, after all those feisty little indies last year.)
Any thoughts? Additions?

Sorry, Phil. One per costumer

When Philip Seymour Hoffman won the Oscar, I couldn't help being a little disappointed.
"Why is that?" You may ask, "He definitely deserved it!" You're right, he did. But I still think the other nominees were equally deserving. I guess the reason I was upset was, Philip Seymour Hoffman ALWAYS won. Every single award worth taking he walked away with. Let's share the wealth, people!
To remedy Hollywood's blunder, I randomly divvied up the other awards as following:

Terrence Howard- Golden Globe, David Strathairn- BAFTA, Joaquin Phoenix- SAG, and Heath Ledger- Independent Spirit Award

Everybody's happy! Why doesn't the Academy just call me and ask for my advice? It's a mystery.

Give us a kiss, love

It has become painfully clear to me that the Academy doesn't know squat about Best Pictures. (Gladiator?! Chicago!?!)
Here's who would win if I got to choose.

2000: WONDER BOYS
How could I pick anything else? It has my favorite quote, and it's about writers! Runners up would be Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Chocolat, Saving Grace, and Small Time Crooks. *sigh* It was a good year.

2001: AMELIE
I didn't see as many good movies this year, but that's not to say Amelie doesn't deserve it! I also liked Zoolander and Bridget Jones Diary. They might not be very serious, but they're damn funny! (Plus, I don't look so snobbish!)

2002: ADAPTATION
Voice over! Screenwriting twins! Orchid dealers! How could you not love this movie? Honorary mentions to The Two Towers, Spirited Away, and About a Boy.

2003: AMERICAN SPLENDOR
Why don't more movies have voice over? I can't get enough. I had a hard time choosing between this and The Station Agent, Bend it like Beckham, and Pirates of the Caribbean.

2004: SIDEWAYS
See a pattern emerging? Yes, I do like movies about writers. What's not to like about wine, golf, and horny friends? This is my current best-movie-in-the-history-of-the-universe. Of course, let's not forget Garden State, and Secret Window!

2005: HUSTLE AND FLOW
Notice complete absence of Crash or Brokeback Mountain. The votes in my brain split, and I've decided my loyalty lies with the pimps and hookers. (I think we all know what my second choices are.)

Looking at my list I establish the following: I watch too many indies. I watch too many R rated movies. I watch too many movies about writers.

I also ask the following questions: Where the hell is Paul Giamatti's Oscar? What exactly was so great about Million Dollar Baby? Has the Academy ever heard of this thing called a "comedy"?

Sheesh

Yes, yes, hold your applause please

Har har, April Fools!
I'm sure I fooled EVERYONE with my super clever little prank. I know, I know, I'm hilarious.
But seriously, back to work!

Movies I've seen recently: (Rated out of 5 stars)
Smoke Signals * * * *
Garden State * * * *
Hustle and Flow * * * * *
Good Will Hunting * * *
Danny Deckchair * * * * *
Thumbsucker * *
King Kong * * * *

Ugg. I should be running a Sundance.

In movie news, Ice Age 2. is current #1. at the box office, followed by Inside Man.
New/coming soon on DVD: Memoirs of a Geisha, King Kong (hey, didn't I just see that in the movie theater?), Chronicles of Narnia, Brokeback Mountain, Crash directors cut, Bee Season....read more at IMDB

YOU ARE NOT A MOVIE GEEK UNLESS YOU HAVE BEEN TO MOVIECITYNEWS.COM
It's insane. They update two or three times a day, supplying a link to every movie related thing on the internet. There are dedicated writers who have new columns every few days, awards coverage, countless blogs, crazy crazy crazy.

On the road again

Having seen all the best actor performances, my movie life is complete. I have decided to bike along the coast of Argentina.
And btw, "You're just mad because I shot your girlfriend's dog" is the lamest quote ever.

If I ever see a movie again, I think I'll be sick

That's it! Movies are great, but they get old REALLY FAST. I'm tired of watching Junebug, Ice Age, the Sixth Sense, etc. etc. etc. They're all the same! I'm going to be a bicycler.

George Clooney: I will run for prez!

George Clooney announced today before a screaming slough of politicians and fans alike, that he will run for president in 2008.

Time Magazine said: "Mr. Clooney is still regarded by the conservative right wholly as one of those "loopy liberals"."

New York Times disagrees, saying "He could definitely win, it's high time the US had another movie star be president, look at Reagan."

Any thoughts?